i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
