So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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