found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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