At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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