I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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