Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
