Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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