1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
