I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
