Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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