Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
