I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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