You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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