Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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