kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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