Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
