So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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