After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
