You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
