broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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