Will you blow on my dice?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
