remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
