i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
