I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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