Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Found the puke drawer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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