chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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