And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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