wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
