Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
