So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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