my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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