Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
