They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
