Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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