Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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