garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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