I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am midnight drunk by noon
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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