Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
