I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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