She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
