God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
