i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
