I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
