I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
