Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
