I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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