Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
