so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
