As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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