Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
