wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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