i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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